24 Hours

One day left....

Despite

My last day off before the trip. Plan is to run the last of my errands and bring the car to my Dad's so he can give it a quick once over. Then 4 days of work and I leave Sunday morning.

So I get a call from my Dad and his schedule means I have to take the car to him first, then I'll run my errands. No problem. So I hop in the car, put my ipod in it's cool new holder I got, turn on the GPS, and drive down.

Pull into the driveway, and as soon as I do, the car starts making a funny noise. Before I even get out of the car I can see on my Dad's face that he hears it too. It literally started the moment I pulled into the drive way.

We pop the hood and look around. It's the distributor. Definitely need a new one. 4 days before the trip and I need to pay up to 400$ to replace my distributor.

Needless to say, I am pissed. I had just pulled A LOT of strings to free up 400$ to make this trip a little more comfortable, and poof, it vanishes. 4 days before the god damned trip.

I AM STILL GOING. This here, this is an open invitation to God, the universe, karma, whatever there is out there. Bring it on. I am going. It's all just going to make it that much sweeter when I'm there, to know that I'm there despite it all. Amidst the doubts of everyone around me, the fears and insecurities in my own head, and the misfortune of the world, I will stand at my destination.

That being said, as the initial anger of it all fades, I'm realizing I'm pretty lucky. I'm lucky it happened now and not on the road, especially in the states. I'm lucky my Dad has a mechanic friend who owns his own shop less than a mile from where it happened and that he said he'd do everything he could to keep the cost as low as possible. I'm lucky it happened with my Dad there, cause I don't know crap about cars and would have been lost without him. 4 days before the trip is actually a blessing instead of 4 days INTO the trip.

Also, my family has really pulled through for me. After expressing their concerns at first, they are now being very supportive. Many family members have chipped in 100$ each which really helps, my mom has even mentioned she might pay for the repairs for the car if I can pay her back after the trip, which is amazingly cool of her. And I think she's started to see my philosophy behind this trip, and it inspired her a bit, cause now we're planning a roadtrip with my brother. Just my mom and the 2 of us. I think that will be awesome as my family hasn't vacationed together since I was 11, plus I'll get to see even more of our continent.

I am still going. The point of this trip was to define myself. To see what I'm made of. I am not backing down.

Vrooom.

The 401 in Toronto. 18 lanes across the entire city.
Gulp.

7 Days...

So I had a bit of a melt-down last night. I looked at the enormity of all this, and it really dawned on me what I'd be doing. I finally pictured the details, and it kinda freaked me out. I pictured myself stuck in downtown traffic in Montreal trying to find the parking to the hotel I'll be staying it, and everyone talking in French better than I can. That one thought led to many other details that scared the crap out of me.

I was legitimately freaking out, and eventually decided to flat-out cancel the road-trip. It got to the point that I just didn't want to do it anymore. When I looked at it it didn't look fun anymore, and I forgot what it was supposed to accomplish. But as I was going to sleep that night I remembered. I want to prove to myself once and for all I can do, or at least survive, all the things I always back away from. I need to validate myself, find my own self-worth and all that. And the only way to overcome your fears is to first be afraid.

So I'm still going. In a way I'm glad I had that little freak-out. It really reminded me of why I want this trip so bad. I had started to forget.

But it's one week away. And I'm beginning to realize, when this isn't euphoric and fun, it's gunna be scary as hell.

Live through this, and you won't look back…

So I've been having doubts. Many doubts. I think this is probably normal when you're about to do something like this. But I don't know how normal something like this is, so that doesn't mean much.

It doesn't help that both my parents and most of my friends are constantly trying to dissuade me; I know they're just concerned.

I guess as it gets closer it gets realer, and hence scarier... Long winding roads for up to 9 hours at a time. Deer and moose crossing highways. Car trouble while alone in the wilderness with no cell reception. Big giant cities leaning in on me from all 360 degrees. Running out of money and not being able to get home. Etc... Plus what if this ends up just being boring as hell!?

I refuse to succumb to these doubts and fears, but I am forced to acknowledge some of them as just plain common sense. So I've decided to be open to change. First of all, the final destination of Prince Edward Island is going to have it's status lowered from definite to tentative. If I make it I make it, if not, it's the journey that's important.

Also, I'm seriously considering going south of the great lakes. I could stop off in Minneapolis and visit my awesome aunt and uncle who live there, and my also awesome cousins who I don't get to see enough of. They'd be glad to show me around too.

The pros of going south of the lakes is it will be faster. It will be safer in some ways, namely I'll be on highways the whole way and not on twisting 2 lane blind corners in Ontario. By staying with my aunt and uncle it will save me money. Gas is cheaper in the states too.

The cons, however, are note-worthy. The highways in the states are 120km per hour. I've had my license just over a month, and never driven that fast. Kinda intimidating. I have to cross the border, twice, and while not a big deal, the last time I did I had a less than great experience. Plus I'll have to go through Chicago. If I was going with someone that'd be a pro, but Chicago alone is another thing to add to the list of intimidating things that lie ahead.

I've been training myself for this trip. As I wrote, I went to Gimli the other day, just to get some highway experience. A few days ago I went to King's Park and spent the day walking around with my Ipod on and taking some photos (including the ones at the top and bottom of this post) to get a feel of what the bulk of this trip will feel like. Last night I drove to St. Adolphe to get some night highway experience. As I was driving I had to hit the breaks because a family of wolves or coyotes were crossing the road. I was quick on the breaks, which was good to know. The baby wolves/coyotes were so cute.

I've still been getting new music like crazy. I have so much that I made a playlist out of just the best songs and the playlist is 13 hours long. That's just the best songs of the albums, and most of the albums are totally worth listening through on their own. To get a taste I just updated my muxtape, so go there and give it a listen.

So even though the trip only has a tentative destination, and the Canada feel has faded a bit, the trip is still very much on. I am scared, I won't lie. But also excited. And that's what this is all about.

9 days...

Humbug

It is 10:28 AM. I woke up at 9:45 AM and had a shower first. This is the earliest I've been up in a long time. And I better get used to it cause I need to drive with the sun on the trip, plus most hotels and motels have a check out time of noon.

Ugh.

Money...

So last night before bed I decided to check my credit card balance...

You know in movies when someone gets a phone call with really big news they always drop the phone and pass out right there, just collapse to the floor? I always thought that was so fake. Now I'm more inclined to believe it.

I admit I've been somewhat careless in my spending as of late... The plan was just to pay everything off when I got back. Well I'm not quite as naive now. I've had to return the new lens I bought, along with a few other thoughtless purchases.

When I first saw the numbers I was worried I wouldn't be able to do the trip at all! I've managed to bring it down a grand just in one day so I'll be ok but when I get back I'm definitely cutting up my credit card! Hopefully I get my GED and get that 16$ an hour government job too!

This trip is something I have to do, so one way or another I will, but just because I've decided it's top priority doesn't mean I should just forget about everything else!

It's really good I realized this when I did, even 2 more days and I wouldn't have been able to return the lens, or trade a shift with craig to work on Monday and get time and a half. Lesson learned.

So while I'm in Toronto I'll be staying with a gay police officer named Mike. He's my Mom's cousin, not sure what that makes him to me. I've been corresponding with him over email and it sounds like he's really excited to show me around. He says he'll show me the typical tourist places but also some places fewer people know about that he knows from being a cop. Says I'll definitely have some stories... So I'm both excited and nervous to find out what that means.

I also have a relative to stay with in Ottawa. Tim lived there for a while too so he's been talking to a girl he knew there and she said she'd be willing to show me around, apparently she's really looking forward to it.

So until my trip I'll be living cheap and working as much as possible. And sadly I think the same will be true of when I return...

Not The Dwarf

Drove down to Gimli today, just for the heck of it. Needed some more practice at highway driving and had the day off. Gimli is beautiful; haven't been there since I was a kid. Brought my camera and got some decent photos. I swear the whole time I was there I had The Decemberists stuck in my head. The whole town just reminded me of it. All it was missing was petticoats. Gratuitous amounts of petticoats.

I went in the evening so on the drive back the sun was setting over the farmers' crops and I swear it was like driving through the Elysium Fields. Acres of gold.

Today has just made me that much more impatient for my trip. Two weeks...

My Ears Are Speakers In Reverse

I've been downloading music like crazy for the past few weeks. I'm gunna be driving for up to 9 hours at a time some days, so I'm gunna need a lot of music. My goal is to literally fill up my Ipod Touch. That's 32 gigs. I have 5 left. I've found so much awesome new music. I love music. I love it.

New Glass

So another in a long list of expensive things I really shouldn't have bought... A Pentax 10-17mm lens! 500$... Hung out with Andi today and swung by Don's Photo to pick it up. Probably down right stupid to spend so much right before I go on a road trip that will cost thousands, but I choose to look at it a different way. When in all of my life would I need this lens more? I am going to be seeing more beauty in these 2 weeks than I have collectively over my whole life.

I'm really good at justifying things. I actually can justify my way out of a paper bag. That's not a figure of speech.

Still need to get an oil change for my car, get a spare tire and activate my CAA membership.

Why does May have to have 31 days? GAH! Bonfire time. Goodbye.

20 Days & Counting

Looks like I'm going it alone. Everyone backed out for different reasons, but I'm determined. I've been wanting this in some form or another for years, I can't put it off again. And the more I think about it the more I'm excited to go alone. The trip is returning to what it was originally meant to be. A spiritual odyssey, an existential exodus. A chance to define myself when no one's looking. To see what I'm made of.

I'm in the process of getting prepared right now. I've bought travel guides to all the major cities I'll be staying at. I'm finding people to stay with wherever possible. I bought a GPS thing for my car, which I immediately realized was the best impulse buy I've ever made, cause it will probably SAVE MY LIFE on this trip.

Another silver lining in me going alone is that means Craig can cover my shifts at work if I need to stay out a little longer (aka need to stay away from work a little longer).

I am really looking forward to this trip. Chad is letting me borrow his laptop (which used to be mine) and I'm paying for a month of hotspot access through telus, so I'll be updating this blog often. This trip will produce LOTS of photography too, no doubt. So I'll be updating my flickr often as well. I'm even considering buying a new lens before I go, the Pentax 10-17mm. Financially irresponsible, yes, but when ever in my life will I need it more?

So this blog will probably be dead for a few weeks, but check back often once June comes and I hit the road!